It has now been a week since I arrived in Houston. Let me just say—it’s more challenging than I anticipated adjusting here. Not so much because of my surroundings, but because of the harsh reality of feeling alone and missing my family. Particularly, my children and my mother.
As I sat on the couch watching one of my favorite shows, Sex and the City, a series built on relationships, I suddenly felt a wave of emptiness. I became very emotional and, before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face.
Why is that?
It wasn’t just the sense of emptiness—it was a deeper question: Who am I?
Living for Others vs. Living for Myself
I’ve lived a majority of my life for other people, being the person others needed me to be. But now, at this stage of my life, I find myself questioning: Is that really who I am?
I’ve always been a person of consciousness, living with integrity and thinking through the consequences of every action. But I’ve realized that, in doing so, I’ve spent much of my life simply existing, not truly living.
Now, here I am—1,300 miles away from my family. My mother, whom I made it a point to see every day, even if just to say hello. My children, who are my reason for everything I do. And my friends and family, the connections that ground me.
Did I Make the Right Decision?
As I sit here, I question myself: Did I make the right decision? Was it worth it?
The truth is, I don’t know yet.
What I do know is that the life I wanted wasn’t attainable in the environment I left behind. As a successful Black woman, I still had to fight harder for everything I had and everything I wanted to become—simply because of how I looked. Eventually, I became tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of being overlooked. Tired of feeling like I couldn’t grow.
So, I made the choice to leave.
The Weight of Sacrifice
This journey is far from easy. I am filled with doubt because of what I’ve sacrificed to build a better future for myself and my family.
But I also know that growth requires discomfort, and that sometimes, stepping away from what’s familiar is the only way to step into what’s possible.
Here’s to New Beginnings
This journey is just beginning, and I’m taking it one day at a time.
To anyone reading this who feels stuck or uncertain: understand that it’s okay to feel scared. It’s okay to doubt. But it’s also okay to take the leap, even when the path ahead feels unclear.
Here’s to new beginnings, one day at a time.
Have you had to make a decision that didn’t just affect you but also those around you? Let me know.